Monday, March 24, 2014

Here in the Tunnel

My last post said I was on vacation. That was 2 1/2 years ago!! I'd love to say that I've been soaking up the sun on a beautiful white-sand beach since then while sipping bright colored daiquiris with little umbrellas in them, but that's, of course, not reality. I've been in the same house on the same street trying to keep life from over taking my sense of self and my purpose here.

At the time of my last post, my world was becoming a dark and frantic place. When you watch a loved one slipping through the tight grip you've had on him since he was a babe, feelings of despair, frenzy, and discord are born. Control is a desperate feeling to lose. You know you are entering a dark tunnel, but you don't know how long it is or if there will be any light along the way. The world in your periphery becomes secondary and when that affects others in the family,who need you, that is a very bad situation to have.

So, life is this journey, you see, and it's never what we think it will be. But, when you take your feelings of hopelessness and you surrender them to our Lord, amazing things begin to happen. You realize the truth in "God is good, all the time" and "God can take evil and make something good of it." You start to have thoughts that help you understand that even if someone is making bad choices and you desperately want to help, the best and most important decision you can make is to give that person away. Yes, give him to Jesus, give him to the Blessed Mother, give him to the saints, and plead, beg, bargain, whatever it takes!

Along the way you notice a few things: 1) you cannot do this, you cannot make it through this time of life without the graces of God 2) so you Trust, you give it over and you find a way to believe that with your fervent prayers & sacrifices you don't just think, you 3) Know, that God has this. He has your loved ones, he knows their plan, their journey. It was never yours to control. It is theirs to walk, listen, & choose. 4) Your job is to grow with them. Your prayer life will bloom tenfold!, your chance to practice virtue when you are dying to go to vice are frequent, you draw closer to the cross, you look at Jesus & thank Him for giving you this small share of suffering so that you can unite it to His passion. 5) and last, you stay Faithful, because as I said in the beginning, you don't know how long this tunnel is, but you have found that there is alot of light along this path if you're willing to open the curtain and let it shine through!!

There have been many moments I've wanted to share on my blog, but I couldn't find the words or the motivation. I'm sure that much of what I've learned the past few years will now slowly unfold in these future posts. When I finally felt in my heart that it was time to return here, I didn't know what I would write. How do you bridge over 2 years of emptiness? As I began to type,  I let the words just flow and am quite surprised at how they spilled onto the page effortlessly. I am happy to be here. Actually, I am thrilled to be here!!

My table center-piece this lent. A reminder of our daily path.


Neen said...

I have missed your blog entries. I have been blessed to see you around town at various homeschool events and Catholic churches. I don't know details of your story but I have seen you give yourself to God. It is beautiful. You inspire me. Please share as you feel comfortable. I often find it is hard to be too honest so as not to embarrass others. I do know that your adventure is full of faith and is worth sharing. Love ya!

JulieC said...

I LOVE your centerpiece!! Welcome back!