Marital Musings

My husband and I celebrated 20 years of marriage this month. To many I shared this with, they were impressed. Twenty years can seem like alot, unless you are well beyond that yourselves. To us, it seems in many ways like a blink of the eye, until we look around our over- populated kitchen table and realize it definitely took time to fill this many seats. Like all other couples who've actively and sincerely made the commitment to stay together, we've had our ups & downs, trials & triumphs, stresses & successes.

I can look back at my own idea of marriage and see how unrealistic my ideals were. I was a Brady Bunch junkie my whole childhood and (I admit) into my teenage years. I loved the large, happy family picture and bought into it totally. Imagine my disappointment upon returning home from our honeymoon to find Mike and I were not spending our evenings quietly & calmly reading the newspaper and needlepointing in the living room while Alice cleaned up the kitchen after the scrumptious meal she had just cooked for us. As kids were quickly added to our family, any homeostasis in our lives faded and chaos has become our lifestyle. It took me awhile to give up on the Brady Bunch fantasy and now I can't even watch the show without screaming "liars!!!" at the TV.

So what is twenty years of marriage? To me it is a growing respect and understanding of your spouse. A putting him/her before the kids, as without each other first--there is no "family". I think many couples have bought into their own fantasy of the perfect partner, their "soul-mate", and once the faults of the other person appear, it is not fun to hang around anymore. Why people think the grass will be greener with someone else is beyond my understanding. I once heard that you marry someone with 80% of the qualities you like. Then there is the other 20% you must accept and live with. People who flee their marriage will look for someone who has the 20% their spouse was missing forgetting that there is 80% that your spouse has and the new person lacks!!!

As the years have gone by and my understanding of my faith has grown, I am ever thankful for the Blessing of a Sacramental marriage. The Grace a couple receives by being married in the Catholic church is what can carry you through a rough patch and floods your marriage with the joys that can only come by living as you promised on the altar: To love Freely & Totally (without reservation), Faithfully (until death), & Fruitfully (receiving children lovingly thru God). Those are the promises a couple makes during every Catholic Nuptial Mass

How many couples make these promises without full understanding? I know that when we married in 1988, marriage prep was minimal at best. However, we received the Graces blindly and are now so thankful to be able to call on the Third Person in our marriage often. I was also never taught that one of the purposes of a sacramental marriage is to get your spouse to Heaven. No easy task under most circumstances, but enough of a reason to accept the challenge and complete the mission. The fruit of a committed marriage will be realized when we all see the Beautific Vision!

And so, to those of you who are living your marital vows, working your way toward the twenty year mark, I say never give up, there is always a rainbow after the storm. Pray that the Graces you've already received will flow through you and your spouse and build a stronger marriage year after year. And to those of you who have been through the storms and know the Truth, may you be an ever shining light to your children and to society. Society now more than ever, needs to see witness of Sacramental Marriage being lived the way God intended.

Saint John Francis Regis, patron saint of marriage and Blessed Luigi and Maria Quattrochi, patron saints of married couples, Pray for Us!!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Well, it happens twice a year here in Texas, and I'm sure, across the southern states. But, being a Yankee, it is new and I admit, still a fascinating phenomena. What am I talking about? When we were headed up the interstate to our new home for the first time, we drove past a large building on the side of the road. It instantly caught the attention of the big boys in the backseat who exclaimed, "Fireworks Warehouse! You didn't tell us fireworks were legal here!! Cool!!!!".

I knew we were in trouble.

Two times a year, 2 weeks before New Year's and 2 weeks before 4th of July, fireworks stands pop-up in every spare nook and cranny of empty lots or alcoves all along the roads. They boast huge signs saying "Buy one get one free" and "Twelve for a Dollar". Who could pass up such deals? I'm guessing it's a boy-thing because my husband admits having great thrills lighting his action figures on fire as a child and I also watched my brother catch bugs and set them ablaze as well. Neither of them grew up to be pyromaniacs. Back home, we enjoyed watching fireworks shows on the 4th of July every year at great distances away. Now, they are lit right in front of my house. On these nights, our neighborhood sounds like a war zone.

My 3 teens will easily say that the best part of living in Texas is getting to legally blow up such items as lego models and GI Joes, however, there is one such creature that isn't having much fun this time of year. While people of all ages enjoy "playing with fireworks", dogs around the area really suffer. Our first summer here, Brutus started throwing up and having accidents in our house the few days before the 4th as people started playing with firecrackers a bit early. I had him at the park watching the little ones play one such evening. I was speaking to a woman when a fire cracker went off in the distance. Brutus immediately tried to jump all 85 pounds of himself onto my lap. I told the woman how hard it's been on him. "You have to tranquilize your dog this time of year. Everyone does it!". Okay, I pleaded ignorance. I had never heard of this before. Sure enough, I called my vet and sheepishly asked for some doggy-downers half expecting to be reprimanded for drugging my dog. "Oh absolutely," they responded, " too many dogs get scared and run away this time of year. Come right in and we'll have them ready."

So, while Brutus will be in a drug induced stupor this holiday, the boys will be in their glory getting to be legally bad! Happy Birthday America!! BA-BOOM!!!!

Summer Swim Season

While most areas of the country are just starting their summer swim seasons, ours will be ending with the individual championship meet this weekend. We start in early May to try and beat the intense summer heat which is already upon us. So, in a couple days, we can finally slow down a bit, have some free weekends, and hopefully become a little bored!!!

Last night our team, the Seals, had a fantastic end of the season bash. There are over 260 team members and as these pictures show, our 3 swimming boys were recognized above and beyond most of their team-mates. A night that makes all those early morning practices and endless Saturday meets worth the effort!

Kyle was recognized with a trophy as "High Point Scorer" for his age group and also received plaques for setting 3 new individual team records. After 8 years of competitive swimming, Reid finally mastered all 4 strokes and pushed himself for faster times. He received a trophy for the "Most Improved" in his age group.

Andrew proudly received a trophy for the "Coaches Award" given to the kid who works the hardest in practice and always does what the coaches ask. After we explained what the trophy was given for, he said, "anyone can get the high point trophy, mine's more important because I have to work hard all the time!" We hope it hasn't gone to his head!!

Our well-decorated table!!! Congratulations Boys!!!!

Thank You To Those Who Serve

I was recently sent the video below and hope that you will take the time to watch it. (it is short, but meaningful). Memorial Day is recently behind us and Independence Day will soon be here. It's fun to celebrate a day off from work and picnic with our neighbors, but how often do we consider the brave men & women who leave their loved ones behind to go off to foreign & dangerous lands to fight for freedom. We're all aware of what a hot button issue the war in Iraq will be this upcoming fall as we vote for a new president. No matter how you stand on the war issue, it's important to think about the young servicemen & women fighting far from home. I married into a family that has a long history of United States Military Service. It's amazing to see how the red, white, & blue continues to run through our family's veins. My oldest son is commissioned to serve in the Army in 3 years after he graduates college. Another son wants nothing but to join the Army after high school. As a mother, I often wonder where their strong patriotism comes from. We've never pushed them for a military career and yet it is their only immediate desire. We've probably all been in situations where servicemen/women have been in our midst. I've seen them dressed in uniform in restaurants, grocery stores, & the mall. While the thought of acknowledging their sacrifice and bravery did occur to me, I can't say that I've acted on that impulse. After watching this video, I hope we all will not only notice them but give them the gratitude they deserve. Please watch:

http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/shortmovie.php

Another Catholic Blog

I just wanted to post an introduction to a new blog written by one of my first friends here in Texas. Against the Flow.... is written by Janet who is a native Texan with a beautiful family. My younger kids pal around with some of hers and Kyle is giving swimming lessons to a couple of them too. As moms, we support each other in our daily trials of raising a large family while trying to be faithful to the teachings of the Catholic church. Janet has a great perspective cause she was raised as a Bible-thumping Southern Baptist. She converted in college and is so knowledgeable about the Catholic faith that we all learn from her. So, don't just sit here--check out her blog!

Summer Bummer

It has been a while since I last posted. Unfortunately our computer crashed completely in May and while we hope to resurrect it soon for the kids to use, we went a few weeks without a home PC. I now have a laptop all my own.

Don't think I had tons of down- time without the constant beckon of the family PC luring me over to check my email or "surf-around". Nope, I spent the better part of the past three weeks nursing my big 'ol college son through illness.

Brian came home from school mid-May with the hopes of finally relaxing without having the upperclassmen in the Corp constantly breathing down his neck or worrying about his next exam. I let him lounge for about a week before starting to strongly urge him to "find a job" and "sign up for a summer class" at the local community college. During week two, he finally got motivated to follow mom's advice. He signed up for two classes in the first summer session and started to apply for jobs. It was a few days later when he told me he didn't feel well. I popped the thermometer in his mouth and watched it register 102.......this was for real.

As the days progressed, he got worse, was put on antibiotics, tested positive for hepatitis, and spiked temperatures to almost 105 during one night. That night I had to sponge his torso and head down reminding me of the tepid baths we used to give him when he was a sick baby. Even 19 years later, the mom/nurse role continues. The sickness continued as his throat became something from a horror movie and then he woke up covered with a rash from head to toe. I would post pictures, but honestly, you would not want to see them!!

After 4 doctor visits we finally got all the test results and found that he has mononucleosis! The rash was caused by the antibiotics and the hepatitis is , thankfully, caused only by the mono and will not cause permanent damage. Three weeks and 15 pounds lighter, Brian is finally starting to feel better and actually gets up out of bed during the day. Obviously, he had to postpone his classes and probably won't get a decent job for the summer as he works to gain energy before returning back to school and the rigors of the Corp in mid-August.

Poor Brian, I'm sure this summer will not turn out to be the relaxing leisure break he had hoped for, but I'm sure it'll be one summer he'll never forget!!!

Goodbye to Family Camping

We've had to make a difficult decision to sell our travel trailer. The economy has gotten the best of us, with gasoline prices skyrocketing, our little family budget has gotten squeezed. It seems everything has gone up in price, food (which we never seem to have enough of according to our teen sons), clothing (mom, I need new shoes!), and extracurricular costs--although we try to minimize, with a large family even one or two activities each puts us in the poor house. With a very reluctant heart, we've decided to sell our one large asset that was actually paid for in full! Anyone who knows our camping history might wonder why we are even sad about giving up family camping. I think it's not so much the experiences we've had--because for the most part they've been pretty awful (or funny if you're not experiencing them first hand). It's more the dreams of what our camping trips were supposed to be we mourn.

We started out with family camping because it was an affordable way to have a vacation and the kids always love it! We started 16 yrs. ago with a 3 year old, 1 year old, and me pregnant with our 3rd. We were roughing-it in a tent in June in Hershey Park , PA. Our first clue that maybe God was telling us camping would not be the way for us to make happy family memories was the fact that an hour after the tent was up and we were settling in, a vicious storm came through, including a tornado, ripping right through the campground! Do ya think we took the hint to end our camping experiences......no way!!! We reset the tent, mopped up the mess and arranged the sleeping bags not to be in puddles and persevered. The next challenge was the train--about 100 yards from our tent, which ran about every 15 minutes through the night. Have you ever felt like a train was coming through your head....we didn't get much sleep! Later that summer, we tried more tent camping in VA. All was going well, I was cleaning up the picnic area, Mike had taken our 3 yr. old over to a sink to do dishes. I placed our 1 yr. old in the tent to play while I straightened up outside. After about 15 minutes I checked inside the tent to see what Kyle was doing. I could see him toddling around inside the whole time and knew there was nothing dangerous in there. Well, I was met with the most awful smell and saw my dear son literally covered from hair to toes with brown--his face and hands included. Evidently he had a stomach virus and his diaper had given out in the worst way! He thought it was a good idea to touch EVERYTHING in the tent. Clean up that night was not fun!

Do you think we took the hint....camping was not for us. Nope--instead we bought a small pop-up with electricity and running water inside. Now, I would finally like camping! We soon realized that no matter how long of a drought there was in any area, if we planned a camping trip there, it was sure to send torrential rain storms and flash-flooding to the area. Maybe that was God's plan for our camping adventures--to save the environment from lack of rain! Having 3 little boys and a baby girl in a small pop up while we worked to keep the rain from leaking in was not my idea of a relaxing vacation!! There were some funny moments. Like when Reid was 4 and couldn't wait to eat the marshmallows we would roast around the campfire. I had been up most of the night with Michie who was coughing and getting over a bad cold. I had finally gotten her quiet at 2 a.m. It was now 4 in the morning when I woke up to a little boy face about an inch from my own. "What's the matter?" I asked. " Can I have a marshmallow now?" "Reid, it's the middle of the night--go back to sleep!" "Pleeeease, can I have a marshmallow!!!???" I weighed the situation in my very tired mind: sleep vs. feeding my child an unhealthy breakfast & not winning healthy -nutrition -mom -of -the- year. It didn't take me long......"here have a marshmallow and GO TO BED!!" Two hours later came another call from across the pop-up "Help, I'm falling out of the hole!" again came the same cry. I decided to investigate this unusual request by sitting up & squinting my very tired eyes over to the other side. There I saw Kyle, age 6, from the shoulders up--the rest of his body, still in his sleeping bag, had slipped through the velcro that held the sides of the camper sealed. His torso & lower half were dangling out the side of the camper! We rescued him and laughed about how funny it must have looked to any early risers out walking by our home on wheels!

We continued with our dream of having fun while camping and with another baby on the way, traded in our small pop-up for a larger, 3-way pop-up that also had air conditioning. We did have one good trip in that one. We went to Niagara Falls with a stop in Watkins Glen, NY on the way. We really did have a nice time and it is one of our favorite family vacations. We still had struggles everytime we set up & took down at the site. It seems there was always some problem with leveling that would take us an hour to fix--of course this always happened either right at dinner time when we were all starving or as darkness overtook the night and we couldn't see anything. More than a few angry exchanges would take place between husband & wife & older boys, who never seemed to help quick enough. But for us, that was all becoming part of our camping life.We grew greedy after that one nice trip and thought we were such veteran campers, we decided to go for the gold!!

We traded in the large pop-up for a 33' travel trailer complete with air conditioning/heater, double bunk beds, bathroom w/shower,livingroom slide-out, and a master bedroom w/a queen size bed more comfortable than my one at home! Our camping dreams went wild! We could go to the beach, the mountains, the Grand Canyon, anywhere! And still have the comforts of home. Unfortunately, with a tow this heavy we had to trade in our mini-van for a 2500 Suburban, in other words, a gas guzzler!!! So, have we used our travel trailer for big adventures? We took a week at the beach in MD. It was okay. By this time our 3 oldest were all teens and if I thought we didn't have enough space in our house, living on top of each other in a home with a width of 10' was not cutting it. Brian, whose bed was the converted living room couch, would routinely lay down to sleep and then toss his dirty socks on the floor during the night. I'd wake up in the morning to start breakfast and have his stinky socks on the kitchen floor--which was 3' from his bed. "This is not your bedroom at home!" I'd yell. "You can't just toss your dirty clothes all over the place!!" Ugggg! I realized that the camper was a great idea--but bought about 10 years too late. Being anywhere in close quarters with teenagers was going to be a challenge. We drove across the country towing the camper when we moved from NJ to TX. Living in the southwest gave me hope that we would have fantastic camping adventures while exploring our new state and even going further west to Arizona & Colorado. I was dreamin' big!!!

We took one major trip to Disney World which had been planned before our move. God once again hit us over the head with the idea that maybe we were never to be a "camping family". We made it there okay--except for having to replace our air conditioner in the suburban in the Florida panhandle. I was challenged again to survive living for 10 days in close quarters with 3 strapping teen boys and cooking meals for a family of 8 in the teeny,tiny kitchen. As long as I was out of the camper, which was frequent in the Disney parks, I was happy. Then came the ride home. Once again in the Florida panhandle, we blew a tire on the suburban. It took an hour in the 95 degree steaming hot/humid afternoon to fix, but Mike was able to get us back on the road. Less than a half hour later, another tire blew. The hot road and pulling the camper was just too much for the old tires. This time we had to be towed. We had to spend the night in a hotel while all four of our tires were replaced. I couldn't wait to get home! The next day we said our prayers for safe travels and eagerly headed west. All was going well until we were about 1 1/2 hrs. from home. While driving over an overpass in a construction zone (no shoulders--just jersey walls), a tour bus speeded past us, sucking our trailer into his lane. For the next 50' feet, we bounced back & forth against the bus and the wall!! Mike kept us on the road by the grace of God. The angels were definitely protecting us that day! We had to find a place to pull over and wait for the police. It delayed us another 2 hours and then finally we made it home, but somehow we still didn't give up our dreams of a happy camping family!

It has been almost 2 years now and we have only taken two more small trips with the camper. We weren't able to bring it back east with us last summer because of the gas prices and our lousy mileage we get while towing. With gasoline prices continuing to go up, and our need for a more affordable family vehicle to use on a day to day basis, we've taken the camper in to a consignment lot. It has been a difficult decision which we postponed a month while we checked out last ditch options to place the camper locally at a lake resort on land that we could purchase. No deals have been met that we can afford and so it was with a heavy sigh that we let the camper go yesterday. How, after reading all this, can you think I would even be sad--well it 's the dreams of the experiences we'll never have that I mourn. I was so sure that our next camping adventure would be the one that would make me join all those other happy camping families I meet and I would be smiling from ear to ear as I said "Our family loooooves to camp"! I guess some dreams never do come true.